I Opened the Door to Jesus

I was occasionally taken to church by my mum as a child, and was used to hearing bible stories at school, but it didn’t all fit into place until I was in the last year of junior school. 

We had a visiting minister and his wife come to do a fortnight of telling people about how Jesus could forgive them and come into their lives.

He preached on Rev 3 verse 20, about Jesus standing at the door of my life & knocking to come in. So realising there was only a handle on my side of the door I opened it.

Fortunately because of my trusting Jesus; which gave me a new birth experience, I realised that I didn’t have to be trapped by my parent’s tendency towards depression.

My dad, because he had been in WW2 fighting the Japanese & I realise now must have had flashbacks.

My mum because she lost her 1st child & never really got over it.

When I left school I went through a time of loneliness. Which when I was able to drive, was overcome as I was able to drive into Burton & got involved with High Street Evangelical Church, and the move of the Holy Spirit.

I realise that the gifts of the spirit are actually intended to be used outside of the 4 walls of a church building & as well as inside, speaking into the lives of people who need help. Praise the Lord!

Life is Worth the Living !!!!!!

I never believed in God and Jesus. There was no place in my life for religion, and I was a happy non – believer.

However in January 1979, my husband told me that he loved someone else, a girl at his workplace, and I was shattered.

I had no friends close by to talk to as we had re – located with my husband’s job. I had worked up to the birth of our first child, and after then all I seemed to do was stay at home, and look after him.

I felt really isolated and I talked for hours on the phone to the Samaritans. They were good listeners, but couldn’t offer any advice.

Eventually I hit rock bottom, and thought that there was no point in living. I would go down to the local canal with my baby and two dogs, and end it all.

In the field near the canal there was a huge oak tree. It was a favourite place to rest and think, but as I did this I was disturbed by a dog walker coming into the field. They were heading my way. I was angry and annoyed ‘ they had got the whole field to walk in why were they heading my way ‘. As the lady got nearer I was even angrier as she had ruined my resolve to finish my life.

She started talking to me, inside I was wishing she would go, but as she kept talking somehow I found myself walking out of the field with her and telling her my situation.

She shared that she had gone through a similar experience, and then she asked me if I believed in God. I told her that I didn’t, but she still suggested that I talk to the local vicar. I thought maybe he could help – somehow ?

He came round to see me. I don’t remember what he said, but this man was different, and I knew that I wanted to believe in the God that he knew, and have the faith that I saw in him.

My life was a mess, and I was ready to give religion a try,  there was nothing else.

I started going to the local church, and went to confirmation classes; although I now believed in Jesus I didn’t feel involved with Him.

It was only when I started going to a group for mothers and babies, which met in someone’s home, that I met other Christians that I could relate to, and things began to be easier.

My marriage was very fragile, but we gave it another go. It was difficult for me, being a new Christian, I found it hard to forgive my husband the way that I should have done; also as I fell more in love with Jesus I fell out of love with my husband.

He didn’t understand what had happened to me. We struggled on. I became more involved with the church, but I felt as if I was living two lives.

In June 1983, the week I discovered I was pregnant, my husband said he was leaving to live with this other girl.

I hit rock bottom again, but this time I had my faith, and friends at church  to help me pull through.

It was the worst time of my life, and looking back I don’t know how I got through. All I do know is that I had an inner strength that was supernatural, and only Jesus got me through.

He continued to get me through years of court cases over the house and the children.

He was, and is, first in my life, and nothing will separate me from Him. My children are all grown up now, and I continue to pray for them to find Jesus for themselves. It took me 30 years to find Him, and I will continue to pray for my children to find Him however long it takes

Forgiveness Can Be A Struggle

When I was still a child I was sexually abused by a man

This made me to live in un-forgiveness.

Most of the times I would remember this incident, and would cry, no sleep.

I sometimes wanted to commit suicide, and forget all about it.

I hated the man so much, and even wanted to shoot and kill him if I had access to a gun.

I thought if I kill him the flash backs would stop.

I lived with this all these years suffering within me full of fear. 

I daren’t tell someone, what would they think of me?  

In 2010, one of my friends who lives abroad and was praying for me told me that God had shown her about my un-forgiveness, and that He wanted me to forgive.

I became very angry. I mean really mad with her. She told me that God wanted me to forgive this man.

Then I was even angry with God thinking, how can God not understand how hard it is to forgive when someone does a horrible thing to you?

After some days I prayed to forgive the man. However deep down my heart I knew that I had not forgiven him. I kept on feeling the same way, feeling sorry for myself, asking why I was born. Crying was the order of the day.   

In 2014, my Pastor told me that I was harbouring un-forgiveness and he told me everything that was bothering me.

I asked him how did he know. He told me that Jesus revealed it to him. I cried. He told me that Jesus loves me and it was not my fault.

He said that Jesus wanted me to forgive the man who had so hurt me. One day I made a decision, and I truly forgave this man. My life completely changed.

I can now sleep peacefully, thought free, and no more crying; as if nothing of that nature ever happened in my life. Jesus set me free and I am free indeed

HE TAUGHT ME TO READ

My mother turned to drink, and my Dad became violent against my mother & me. I was beaten and rejected. The authorities took me away from my parents in 1965; I was put into foster homes & then a boarding school. I was not able to read or write.

I got married in 1974 & from 1980 to 1993 we built up a tyre exhaust & break down business but many of our customers went bankrupt, and as a result left us in £55,000 debt & the business closed and we lost our 3 bed detached house and everything we owned.

My brother-in-law & sister in law took us to a Billy Graham meeting, it was strange to us, but we went forward to pray a prayer of salvation – we knew nothing of the Lord and nothing more seemed to happen for 25 years.

I worked for many companies, but one lady sacked me as I had grand mal seizures, in fact one night on my way home from work, I stopped to fill the car with fuel &  had a grand mal seizure,  I was pouring fuel everywhere, they called an ambulance & I was admitted to hospital. Another time I was driving home alone and went into a fit but the car slowed down and stopped in the middle of the road – and cars were driving round me.

After having Epileptic grand mal seizures I was admitted to hospital; we had many problems in our lives & had lost our home & our business for the second time. We had a neighbour who was a nightmare, our car was being vandalised, but our sister-in law had come to visit & gave me a Bible.  I was admitted to hospital they fitted a machine to measure the seizures; my wife came to see me & told me our dog had died in the night at 4am my wife said had she cried out to God for help.

That day I had another grand mal seizure but the machine did not record it – apparently I have to switch it on. But after that they said I was reading the Bible to them in the ward – Matthew Mark Luke & John. They said I refused to put the Bible down, I did not believe them and told them I can’t read. I argued with them, they told me to pick it up & I did & read 3 lines straight off – I was amazed, I can now read this was weird how could that happen after all these years?

One day I had a fit & put my hand on a kettle on a Rayburn which caused terrible burns to my left hand & 2 fingers on the right hand. It was not treated correctly resulting in severe infection & I went into shock, the infection had come into the blood – but I was stubborn and refused to let my wife call for help. I cried out to God if you want me to die take me home now if I live I live if I die I die. God did an awesome quick healing.

I grew to know more of His power & wanted others to know too. I was slowly coming to learn about the Lord as I had a continued hunger for the Word in the Bible, also God was dealing with some past hurts – but I know I now have eternal life & don’t have to worry about anything because God has it all in hand.

Everything is totally different; my whole life is changed completely. And others need to know the truth too. Knowing that I am loved by God and am a new creation & knowing I can trust God He will not lie to me has helped me to love others more – I don’t think of others as I did before,  my thoughts are different. Thank God for the prayers of my brother –in-law & sister-in-law.  Praise God

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Yes, today I am a follower of Jesus, and have been since April 2004; which was when Jesus set me free from the darkness in my life, and brought me into the light

From 2 years of age my biological father wanted to kill me, and then walked out of my life; never to return. This left me feeling abandoned, worthless, unloved and incomplete. 

As a result of this I tried to commit suicide at 9 years of age, but that was just the beginning of my suffering. From my teens through to my adult life I suffered emotional sexual and physical abuse at the hands of men. 

This resulted in me wanting to take my own life on several occasions. 

In 2004 I went to America and visited a church when the message preached was on forgiveness. 

Something within my spirit was being shaken. I agreed with the message with my mind, but it had not yet entered into my heart. I knew that there were people who I needed to forgive, because there were ways in which we don’t reach God’s standard. I had, in many ways, not reached God’s standard. When I got back to my hotel room I got angry with God. I shouted out in despair, why had He allowed the abuse. I felt so depressed and anxious I tried once again to kill myself. 

As I tried to take the tablets the pill bottle fell out of my hands and I felt God’s love surround me.

I knew, for the first time, light at the end of the tunnel. That light was Jesus. 

Since meeting with Jesus my life hasn’t been perfect. I have turned my back on God for four years, and tried to fill the void with drugs and sex, but God’s love always brought me back to Him. 

With the help of prayer and reading the Bible I have been set free from drug addiction, suicide and low self-esteem. 

I know that there are other things that need to be dealt with, and I pray that God will continue to heal and deliver me from all those things which could destroy my life. 

However I know with all my heart, mind and soul that God always keeps His promises. He promises to set the captives free, and to give us a hope and a future.

No matter what life throws at me, I know that one special day I will be with God in heaven for ever.

Life is Now in COLOUR

I grew up with a very godly mother and grandmother and always went to church, and even at an early age can remember how important it was to me and I feel that I have always believed in God.

I had been baptised as a baby and was duly confirmed in my early teens, and confirmation was a very special event for me – but somehow I always felt I was missing something.  

I think I was always feeling that one ought to be able to know God more personally. It seemed that God was somehow not quite real enough, although He meant so much to me. 

When I was 21, I was living in Montreal and came across some people who seemed to know Jesus in a real way, which amazed and thrilled me. 

The more I was with them the more I realised that they knew Someone who I somehow didn’t know like they did, but longed to do so. 

I came to see that Jesus had died for ME, had given everything for me so that I could know HIM, and that I needed to take that step and accept His offer of forgiveness. 

At last everything made sense to me and I gave my life to Jesus. It was like a completely new life, in colour instead of black and white.

God is Patient

As a child, I was shocked to discover that we killed and ate animals. Then that people killed other people, then, worse, that we ALL died. No one seemed to share my deep anxiety and hopelessness about this. These horrific discoveries were made when I was about 5 years old. 

At about age 8 or 9 I joined a Sunday school group called ‘Crusaders’, along with my younger sister. We loved it and the ladies who ran it were very special. They were friendly, clean, clear and light, at ease with us and each other. We both made commitments to God and asked Jesus to come into our lives. However my parents, for some reason, became anxious and moved us to Girl Guides. My sister and I did not come back to church. 

At about 17 years of age, 7 years later, my sister and I each separately, and a year apart, made re commitments to Jesus. 

Later my sister, who had become a Pastor’s wife, found out that the gentleman who had given us part of his house for the Crusaders Sunday School, had put all the children who attended on a list and prayed for us regularly – no wonder we had each come back to the Lord.

At this time I had a wonderful feeling of lightness, joy and cleanness (which I now know was the Holy Spirit). I can particularly remember a wonderful red sunset just after I had made the re commitment. 

My sister went from strength to strength with God, but I fell away after having joined a Church of England youth group for a while, as well as Bible Study and the school Scripture Union. However I was afraid after being asked to give a public testimony as I was shy.

I ended up marrying a man who was not a believer, and having 2 children. 

Eventually, about 20 years later, I returned to the Lord again, started reading the Bible and going to Church. My sister’s young son asked me, ‘Aunty Jean, do you love Jesus?’ I said,

‘No, I don’t know Him, but I’d like to.’

About a year later I was baptised.

Soon I became less fearful, and no longer afraid of dying. Instead of despair, I now had hope – I now had the gift of eternal life. I knew that eternally I was going to be with Jesus, because I belong to Him, and that is His free gift to me. I did not have to earn it because He love me whatever. 

Since then, I have seen many people healed of various ailments and had experience of miracles myself. I had the privilege of seeing my mother healed, by the Lord, of sciatica; when the doctors could do nothing except give painkillers. Two friends came to the house and prayed with me for my mother. Jesus gave me a word of knowledge. Jesus said ‘Pull on her foot’. He repeated this a number of times! Eventually I did it, but I was saying ‘You’ll have to take over Lord’ as I pulled her foot. All worked well. My mum was healed. She was a little stiff going upstairs for a day, and then she immediately returned happily to her gardening and enjoying life to the full.

The Lord was as good as His promise in the Bible that salvation is to you and all your family. My husband was saved in the last hour of life and my mother in the last week and a day. 

My story is not a dramatic one, but I hope it might be helpful to you.

God is indeed patient and forgiving. He provides. He is also faithful and delivers on His promises, even when we are not. He also keeps hold of us when we have once made a commitment to Him, even though we stray, He patiently leads us back home. My story also shows the power of prayer where the gentleman who gave the Sunday School room in his house prayed for us all.

Looking For Love

I was born in Glasgow. We were a family of eight, but my father was an alcoholic. My mother had to work night and day, cleaning, to keep us all together. My father could not hold down a job. So I said to myself I was going to have a better life than my mum.

I left school, got a job, met a young man with a good job, married, and had a baby. By the time I was 19 my life was a mess. My husband was an alcoholic. The doctors said it would be better for us if I left him, and they would help us. My mother always said that  you must never leave your husband no matter what  

My baby had to go into hospital have an operation. The day the baby came out of hospital, my husband lost his job as he was drinking whilst he was at work. We were left with nothing, no money coming in, we were in a mess.

Around this time my father died, and it broke my mother’s heart. My husband could not find a job. My brother had moved to England, and he said houses were cheaper, and there were good jobs to be had. So we moved to England to start a new life.

I was only 6months in England when I got a phone call to say my mother was in hospital, by this time I had two children. We set off to Scotland the children and I. We got off the train and went straight to the hospital. Visiting time was over. I asked if I could see her, and a nurse asked me to come into a small room. She then told me that my mum was dead. My whole world fell apart. I cried out to God  what is this life all about. You are born, then you die. What is life all about I was heart broken.

Not long after this 2 ladies came to my door. They were Jehovah Witnesses. They were talking about the Bible. They gave me one, and I started to read it. I could not put it down. One day I was reading about the Gifts of the Holy Spirit in the first book to the Corinthians chapter 12 verses 1 to 11. Well, I was so excited. When I asked the ladies about this they said this is not right. I said to them I believed the Bible is the word of God. Then they left.

Then God, through the work of the Holy Spirit, began to show me what the Bible meant. I could understand it at last. I went back to college, and when a job came up in a nursing home, near where I lived, I asked God if I could have it.

After being there a while I said to the ladies that if any of them ever wanted to go to church on a Sunday I would take them; as it was part of my job. One day one of the ladies named Maggie asked to go. When we got to the church door she asked me to go in with her. I said ’oh no I will be back for her at lunch time.’ She said ’ please, come in with me.’ As she was 92 years of age

I could not believe I had said yes. When I got there the music I heard, and the words to the song just went right to my heart. I just couldn’t stop crying. A lady asked if she could pray with me, and that night I gave my life to the Lord Jesus. My sorrow turned into joy, what a night that was. Now I know what it was. Jesus filled me with His love.  That was in 1987.

My husband never gave up drinking, sad to say, he rejected me, and we are now divorced. The Lord Jesus spoke into my life at that time through a verse in the Bible. In Jeremiah chapter 29 verse 11

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  

Jesus has kept His word. He has found me a Christian husband, and together, because of Jesus. I now know what love is.

My Story

I was born, and lived, in Northern Ireland until 1964 when I moved across to North London.

I have a twin brother and, as boys, we were sent to Sunday school every Sunday morning, usually accompanied by an older sister. We were told Bible stories, and taught the Ten Commandments.

My mother, who was a Christian, taught us the Lord’s Prayer. Every time my brother and I misbehaved, even when quite young, she would make us both kneel down with our heads on her lap, and we had to recite the prayer after her.

As a teenager, I had outgrown Sunday school, and soon left off going to church. My dad took me from school at fifteen to work with him in the building industry, mainly for the farming community. It was hard work in those days, and I got little or no pay.

At nearly 18 years of age I left the building work, and I went and trained as a psychiatric nurse. This was followed four years later by general nursing training.

Like the prodigal son, I now had money and soon got involved in wrong living especially over drinking.  As I look back I know I only survived drunk driving because the hand of God was upon me. My move to London made it worse because my best friend was a chronic alcoholic.

Life was empty and purposeless. Although surrounded by people, I was very alone and miserable. At night I would lie in bed and pray the Lord’s Prayer; also saying, “God, if you are real, please help me.”

In June 1964, while alone in my bed-sit around noon, I was suddenly overwhelmed by God, who unexpectedly came rushing into my life.

God opened the eyes of my understanding and showed me Jesus dying on the cross for me, and I was able to believe it.

An unexplainable warm feeling rose up within me, and I knew that God had come into my life. I was so thrilled that I just wanted to run out into the street and tell someone. Soon I found a church and became a regular attendee. In the following six months, God completely took away the desire for alcohol.

Over the years God has continued to be with me. He gave me a dear Christian wife, she had previously been praying that I would come to faith, and I have 3 lovely children.

Even as a Christian, we are not spared the problems of life. There have been good times and bad times, time of grief and sorrow, through them all Jesus has been with me and lifted me out of them all.

I continue to take an active part in the church in which Jesus has placed me. I have found Jesus to be my way, truth and life. Jesus promised that the TRUTH would set me free. He has set me free from being a slave to things that I could not get free from myself.

Jesus has forgiven me, healed me and given me the gift of life which will last for ever. Jesus is in my life, He is my joy, my happiness my everything.

FORGIVENESS MATTERS

Before I became a Christian in 1979, my husband and I were in business in Somerset, and doing financially ‘quite nicely thank you’. We lived to work, and to fulfil our ambitions. We had a car, boat, caravan……and no room in our lives for GOD.

Then one day my daughter (who had dabbled in all sorts of things) told me she had got saved. The change in her life was drastic it amazed me. She asked us both to her baptism, and so, with reluctance on my husband’s part, and curiosity on mine we went. I had never seen so many happy people in Church before.

My daughter asked me to go to a home meeting with her, and at the meeting I felt as if my heart was warmed, and I was at peace.

I did not make any decision at that time about becoming a Christian, but I did have a recurring dream that my husband was having an affair with the young girl we were training to be a manageress in one of our shops. A month later my husband told me that my dream was reality, and that he was leaving me.

It was at this point that I called out to the Lord, and met with Him. There were two parts of the Bible that were a great help to me at this time.

‘With God all things are possible’

&

‘Have faith in God’

For an uncomfortable year, while we sold the shops, I know God kept my sanity and health, and the Holy Spirit flooded me with such joy inside; even in my grief it was tremendous. The change in me in those years was huge, and God continues that work even up to today.

Eleven years after the divorce, during which time my husband had remarried, he contacted me with the news that he had cancer. He asked me that at the end of his life would I come and stay, and look after him to enable his wife to keep her job. He said he didn’t want to die worried about their mortgage!!!!!!!!!!

My first thought was ‘blow you Jack’, but the Holy Spirit gently reminded me of the vows I had made ‘till death us do part’ and so I agreed to go when the end drew near.

When I arrived they said he had a month to live, but after seeing him I rang up our children and advised them to come and see their father. When they arrived he was furious, he wanted them to go – ’he still had a month left to die in peace’, but he deteriorated that day, and that evening his present wife never moved from his side.

I knew he was dying, and in the morning when his present wife left to get washed, I moved over and said,

“Ian if you can hear me it’s important, squeeze my hand”, and very gently I felt a response. I continued, I said “Ian I can see a boat on the sea of the great eternity and it’s coming to pick you up; it’s the pilot boat and guess who’s on it JESUS CHRIST; now for goodness sake get on it and ask Jesus to forgive you, and get on the boat.”

I said a short prayer and his face lit up, and his arms went up across his chest, and he died. He and I both found God’s forgiveness, and I pray you will too