I never believed in God and Jesus. There was no place in my life for religion, and I was a happy non – believer.
However in January 1979, my husband told me that he loved someone else, a girl at his workplace, and I was shattered.
I had no friends close by to talk to as we had re – located with my husband’s job. I had worked up to the birth of our first child, and after then all I seemed to do was stay at home, and look after him.
I felt really isolated and I talked for hours on the phone to the Samaritans. They were good listeners, but couldn’t offer any advice.
Eventually I hit rock bottom, and thought that there was no point in living. I would go down to the local canal with my baby and two dogs, and end it all.
In the field near the canal there was a huge oak tree. It was a favourite place to rest and think, but as I did this I was disturbed by a dog walker coming into the field. They were heading my way. I was angry and annoyed ‘ they had got the whole field to walk in why were they heading my way ‘. As the lady got nearer I was even angrier as she had ruined my resolve to finish my life.
She started talking to me, inside I was wishing she would go, but as she kept talking somehow I found myself walking out of the field with her and telling her my situation.
She shared that she had gone through a similar experience, and then she asked me if I believed in God. I told her that I didn’t, but she still suggested that I talk to the local vicar. I thought maybe he could help – somehow ?
He came round to see me. I don’t remember what he said, but this man was different, and I knew that I wanted to believe in the God that he knew, and have the faith that I saw in him.
My life was a mess, and I was ready to give religion a try, there was nothing else.
I started going to the local church, and went to confirmation classes; although I now believed in Jesus I didn’t feel involved with Him.
It was only when I started going to a group for mothers and babies, which met in someone’s home, that I met other Christians that I could relate to, and things began to be easier.
My marriage was very fragile, but we gave it another go. It was difficult for me, being a new Christian, I found it hard to forgive my husband the way that I should have done; also as I fell more in love with Jesus I fell out of love with my husband.
He didn’t understand what had happened to me. We struggled on. I became more involved with the church, but I felt as if I was living two lives.
In June 1983, the week I discovered I was pregnant, my husband said he was leaving to live with this other girl.
I hit rock bottom again, but this time I had my faith, and friends at church to help me pull through.
It was the worst time of my life, and looking back I don’t know how I got through. All I do know is that I had an inner strength that was supernatural, and only Jesus got me through.
He continued to get me through years of court cases over the house and the children.
He was, and is, first in my life, and nothing will separate me from Him. My children are all grown up now, and I continue to pray for them to find Jesus for themselves. It took me 30 years to find Him, and I will continue to pray for my children to find Him however long it takes