I had all I ever wanted, my own house, married and three children, so why did I feel so empty inside? Surely I shouldn’t feel this way?
It was Christmas 2010, I’d arranged to meet a friend and her son at the local play centre. I walked through the door and had this sense of peace, it was overwhelming and amazing at the same time. I knew it was God and I knew he was calling back to him.
Over the next few weeks I battled with going back to church; I’d walked away from God twenty odd years before as my life was a complete mess, but I made it an even bigger mess. My dad was an alcoholic, and I constantly destroyed relationships as I didn’t really know how to get on with men.
There was a lot of hurt and pain, disappointment, arguments, and when I did marry my first husband it was a disaster. He tried to control me, and so the marriage ended in a bitter, nasty divorce, but I also knew God was calling me back to him for a reason.
I had remarried, and couldn’t stop thinking about what my husband and children would think about me wanting to go to church?
I started to volunteer at the play centre, as I knew the leaders from years before, and it was there I saw the alpha course advertised. This was the beginning of an amazing journey.
God has filled the void I felt, he has begun a journey of healing me and showing me what love is really like…His Love and I’m learning to Love people and enjoy their company.
I’m learning so much, words are hard to find to express the change in my life, I’ve gained confidence I never had before. It’s a journey. I am so glad I said yes that day to following Jesus because he took all my hurt, pain and mess to the cross and I will never be that person again