Standing Up On The Inside

We’ve done everything we can. There is nothing more we can do to help you!

It wasn’t life threatening but I felt that I was hanging on by my fingertips. Let me explain. Years ago I was in a wheelchair facing a dismal future. I was unable to stand. I was unable to walk and the prognosis I had been given was gruesome.

Doctors, nurses and the whole medical profession had done all they could do for me. They could do nothing more.

In no time at all I went from being a highly successful, very powerful business woman to someone facing the reality of failure. Sitting in a wheelchair with my legs stuck straight out in front of me (both of my knee joints had been surgically removed leaving me with two permanently stiff legs which didn’t bend). I couldn’t even get to the loo on my own.

I had a loving husband, a good marriage of over 25 years, a beautiful home, cars in the garage, money in the bank, but suddenly my life meant nothing.

WHY? I spent months just looking out at the garden thinking

“My life’s over. What now?”

Every ounce of my self-worth, my identity was tied up in what I did, what I earned, how powerful I was in my profession, how well I organised my home and looked after my husband,

Just when I was thinking,

“I can’t hang on any longer.”

The phone rang. Through a ‘fog’ I heard my friend saying,

“I know how desperate you are for something to do. I’ve told these ladies that you’ll help them out with some press work for their Christian conference.”

I remember screaming down the phone,

“What have you done to me? You know I don’t believe in this Jesus stuff.”

After my friend had calmed me down I heard myself saying,

“Alright, I’ll at least talk to them if only to get you off the hook.”

Desperate to keep my mind occupied, I did do the press work and through it found, Jesus wasn’t interested in what I did. He was interested in me – as a person. I discovered that He could help me stand up on the inside, and it had nothing to do with what I did, what I earned, how powerful I was, or how well organized I was. It was all about having a relationship with Him.

As I started standing up on the inside, it wasn’t long before God’s gift of wholeness began to work its way out. Admittedly it’s been progressive, but He showed me how to get out of a wheelchair, how to stand, how to walk. This gift of wholeness has literally been one step at a time for me, spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Today, even though I have no knee joints, there is now solid bone from the thigh to the ankle in both legs, I stand, I walk, and I do many of the things which the doctors, once said, and I would never do. And I’ve discovered God never lies and He’s always the same. Whatever hurts and pains are going on today He’s right here all the time, helping me to stand up on the inside.

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