Forgiveness Can Be A Struggle

When I was still a child I was sexually abused by a man

This made me to live in un-forgiveness.

Most of the times I would remember this incident, and would cry, no sleep.

I sometimes wanted to commit suicide, and forget all about it.

I hated the man so much, and even wanted to shoot and kill him if I had access to a gun.

I thought if I kill him the flash backs would stop.

I lived with this all these years suffering within me full of fear. 

I daren’t tell someone, what would they think of me?  

In 2010, one of my friends who lives abroad and was praying for me told me that God had shown her about my un-forgiveness, and that He wanted me to forgive.

I became very angry. I mean really mad with her. She told me that God wanted me to forgive this man.

Then I was even angry with God thinking, how can God not understand how hard it is to forgive when someone does a horrible thing to you?

After some days I prayed to forgive the man. However deep down my heart I knew that I had not forgiven him. I kept on feeling the same way, feeling sorry for myself, asking why I was born. Crying was the order of the day.   

In 2014, my Pastor told me that I was harbouring un-forgiveness and he told me everything that was bothering me.

I asked him how did he know. He told me that Jesus revealed it to him. I cried. He told me that Jesus loves me and it was not my fault.

He said that Jesus wanted me to forgive the man who had so hurt me. One day I made a decision, and I truly forgave this man. My life completely changed.

I can now sleep peacefully, thought free, and no more crying; as if nothing of that nature ever happened in my life. Jesus set me free and I am free indeed

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